The end-of-year holiday season is a time for reflection and generosity. The Portland Trail Blazers gift list is long this holiday season:
Whether you’re celebrating Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Solstice, Soyal, Las Posadas, Festivus, or any of the other of the world’s religious, cultural, or made-up holidays, here’s hoping the gift giving spirits are better to you than they have been to the struggling Portland Trail Blazers.
Most of them have been good, just unfortunate, although Robert Covington for one shouldn’t be surprised to find a lump of coal in his oversized stocking.
But this is a season of generosity and good will towards men, so I’ll save my commentary on his unfathomable regression to the point where he is useless on both ends of the floor for another day.
Let’s embrace the holiday spirit and see what each Blazer covets most this year:
Damian Lillard would like to not miss any more games due to injury, and for people to stop suggesting ridiculous trade scenarios.
CJ McCollum would like a fully healed lung and to be just sent to his new home already.
Norman Powell wants to be moved back to his natural two-guard position so he doesn’t have to guard players six inches taller than he is.
Robert Covington just wants me to stop trying to trade him, but I’ll find a heart somewhere and get that to him — maybe also a map to the forbidden zone inside the offensive 3-point line.
Jusuf Nurkic also would like to be traded or have me shut up already, but I’ve got a beard trimmer for him; that monstrosity on his face is way too pubic for my comfort.
Anfernee Simons will wait for the off-season and then take his five-year restricted free agent max deal, thank you very much.
Nassir Little mostly wants more playing time and a few Sixth Man of the Year votes, but he’s earned both so they’re not really gifts. We’ll come up with something.
Cody Zeller wants a healthy patella and what every basketball player from Indiana wants: a Cameo from Larry Bird? A bushel of wheat? I’m not sure here. Indianans, feel free to weigh in.
Larry Nance, Jr. wants Joe Cronin to dispense of Nurkic and/or Covington so he can get his numbers back to Cleveland levels — the only manner in which you’ll ever hear him express a longing for Cleveland.
In a bit of a turnabout, Ben McLemore has something for us: an “I told you so” and some contagious intensity.
Tony Snell wishes for the patience to endure the seemingly random developments necessary to get him into a game for any significant amount of time.
Dennis Smith Jr. wants a VCR to watch highlight videos from his Dallas days, now that he is re-enacting them again.
CJ Elleby wants us to forget entirely his first chance to play meaningful early-game minutes for the Blazers.
Greg Brown III just loves being Greg Brown and will wait a year to make a real gift request.
Trendon Watford wants us to know his name. He took the first step towards doing that last night against the Timberwolves.
Keljin Blevins wants a two-way contract so he can get on the court.
Chauncey Billups would like to see some consistent effort and a couple of injury-free weeks so he can see exactly what he has with this seemingly mismatched set of pieces.
Joe Cronin wants nothing more than for Jody Allen to remove the “interim” from his job.
And we here at Rip City Project want to see more of what Little, Simons, Nance, Smith, and McLemore have been bringing. And definitely a mini-vac for Nurk’s beard trimmings.