Rip City Project
Fansided

3 Spooky Speculations about the Portland Trail Blazers

BOSTON, MA - APRIL 11: Nik Stauskas #2 of the Brooklyn Nets looks on during a game against the Boston Celtics at TD Garden on April 11, 2018 in Boston, Massachusetts. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Adam Glanzman/Getty Images)
BOSTON, MA - APRIL 11: Nik Stauskas #2 of the Brooklyn Nets looks on during a game against the Boston Celtics at TD Garden on April 11, 2018 in Boston, Massachusetts. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Adam Glanzman/Getty Images)
3 of 4
Blazers
Portland Trail Blazers Nik Stauskas (Photo by Adam Glanzman/Getty Images)

Nik Stauskas was abducted by aliens and his replacement is pretty good at basketball.

I finally figured it out. The Real Nik Stauskas, the one who played for the Kings, 76ers, and Nets, he was abducted by aliens sometime this past summer.

And the guy who wears his jersey for Portland? I don’t know who that is, but it’s not Nik Stauskas. It’s an imposter sent here by, well, the aliens.

Here’s how I know:

Before this past summer, Stauskas was basically a no-name “shooter” who nobody knew if he could actually shoot. Through his first two seasons, with a 29-53 Kings team and then the very much in-process 10-72 76ers, Stauskas shot 32.4 percent from beyond the arc.

This number eventually rose to 40.4 percent when he was traded to the Brooklyn Nets. But this was only in 35 games.

Now, ever since the alien abduction, “Nik Stauskas” is in the MVP conversation – jokingly, of course, buy hey, that’s better than most NBA players. He (the imposter) is averaging 10.1 points on 46.8 percent three-point shooting in 22 minutes per game.

And I, personally, never EVER had the thought, “Get it to Stauskas, he’ll knock it down” before this NBA season. But now, I find myself thinking it constantly and into the final minutes of games.

That’s another thing. This “Stauskas” is closing games for the Blazers. If he continues shooting as well and as consistently as he is right now (while also fooling the entire basketball-watching world), I could see him becoming a regular member of a Blazers’ “death lineup.”