Portland Trail Blazers: Is water wet? Anfernee Simons demolishes the debate of our time

Portland Trail Blazers rookie Anfernee Simons recently took to Reddit and answered what all of us are too scared to: Is water wet?

This past week, Portland Trail Blazers rookie Anfernee Simons hopped on a Reddit AMA to answer questions posed by users. When he was asked about what could very well be considered the most important and contentious debate of our lifetime: whether water is wet or dry, he caused some uproar for his scientifically poignant yet somehow controversial answer:

I wouldn’t go as far as “galaxy brain” to describe Simons’ answer on the matter. In fact, take the inverse of “galaxy brain” and that was exactly what Simons showcased with his scientifically sound answer. When the subject came up on a Reddit AMA, all he did was reply by proclaiming that “No, Water is not wet, whatever gets on water is wet.”

Seems pretty reasonable to me.

However, when I first saw this post, I’ll admit that I was a little bit skeptical of whether or not this was just a ploy from a rookie looking for attention or a legitimate and interesting take on a topic that could tear this country apart if doesn’t get resolved. That being said, and since he is a part of Rip City, I took it upon myself to use my scientific knowledge and help end the debate once and for all.

Now, about my loyalty to the Trail Blazers: Damian Lillard, for example ,could talk about dinosaurs not existing or discuss the flat earth theory, and I hate to admit it, but I would have to hear him out before making my final decisions on the scientifically, biologically and/or geologically settled theories that have been “proven” on the matters.

In this case with Simons, however, I *promise* I will remain objective, despite by deep Portland roots.

Now, I can’t speak for everyone else, but whenever I want to obtain credible, scientific data, I hop on trusty old Google. Interestingly enough, according to the very first result that I found on Google, which is always the most credible of results, it actually reiterated what Simons had already said.

Google says, “Water isn’t wet because it is a liquid that wets things. Once you come into contact with water you become wet. Until then, water is a liquid…”

Case closed, my friends

Lets consider an alternate argument: Are fish wet when they are swimming around underwater?

If a fish is fully submerged in water, then it is, in fact, not wet. Once the fish is taken out of the water, though, then it would be considered wet because it has water all over it. And I know Simons would agree with me.

Simons was essentially saying that something couldn’t possibly be wet without having water on it, and he’s absolutely right. Last time I checked, water cannot get on itself…

Look. I know your collective minds are probably blown to smithereens right now from this stroke of genius. But just take some deep breaths and then take comfort in the fact that if Simons’ game develops as strongly as his brain clearly has, then the Blazers should be extremely excited.