Why the Trail Blazers will win the 2016 NBA Championship

You’re probably thinking the headline to this story is there simply to lure you in only for me to tell you I’m just kidding or that I would say it would only be possible if the Trail Blazers moved to the Eastern Conference. Well guess what? You’re wrong. I said it and meant it: Portland will win the 2016 NBA Championship. “You’re crazy!” you’re surely saying. Perhaps I am. But follow me on a journey as I show, and tell, exactly how its going to happen.

Our fearless leader: Head Coach Terry Stotts

Our good friends over on Tumblr, “PhotoStotts”, give us this beautiful shot of the head coach himself, Terry Stotts. Look at him! He stands at 6’8, weighs in around 220 of pure man, and by the looks of this picture, hasn’t aged a second since his playing days.

Not highly thought of when he took over the team prior to the 2012-13 season, Stotts plodded away to a 33-49 record. When you consider that Jared Jefferies, who is doing this now (and I swear to you, that isn’t a joke), was on the team, Stotts should have been considered for Coach of the Year for even winning a game! Then the next season, with no major additions to the roster, Stotts led the team past the first round of the playoffs for the first time since 2000. 2000!

So yes, with Terry Stotts, who won the 2011 NBA Championship as an assistant coach with the Mavs and is credited for running that sweet, fine-tuned machine of an offense, the Blazers will return to glory for the first time since 1976.

Go ahead Blazer fans. Watch it. Let the warm feelings grow within you. And then never watch it again. Because you won’t need it after this season ever again. We have a new Bill Walton in town, and his name is Damian Lillard.

The Superstar

Everyone knows you have to have a star player to win an NBA Championship and boy do we have one in Lillard. After winning Rookie of the Year in 2013, Lillard has gotten better every season, averaging career highs last year in PPG (21), RPG (4.6), and SPG (1.2). So what does that mean? Umm, that he is going to be the league MVP of course. Before you argue, let me just remind you of this:

COOK. IES.

First off, I’m not even sure how Lillard was able to even jump off the floor to shoot that shot considering the pair of steel man parts in his pants, but he did and he did it good.

Damian Lillard looking into the souls of the whole NBA before breaking them down and destroying their mental makeup. Mandatory Credit: Craig Mitchelldyer-USA TODAY Sports

This is the kind of player that you need to lead your team. Lillard, who will be forced to be even more of a juggernaut this season offensively, will put up averages of 28, 8 and 7 on the way to MVP and All-World status. Once this happens, we can stop paying attention to Steph Curry’s child who is somehow extra cute because she is Steph Curry’s child. Stop. Its annoying. Curry probably only has a kid to make everyone stop laughing at how he looks like a 12-year-old. Well fortunately for Rip City, our star looks like one.

Supporting cast

You cannot win alone. Ask LeBron James, who carried one of the worst teams I’ve ever seen to the 2007 NBA Finals. Seriously, have you looked at that roster? I know we are getting off topic, but look at it. David Wesley? Boobie Gibson? SCOT POLLARD? Try to wrap your mind around that for a second.

Anyway, back to the point, Lillard needs some help and boy does he have it. Noah Vonleh? Tristen Thompson 2.0. Mason Plumlee? Dude is a Dukie and they somehow always win even though you don’t know how. Gerald Henderson? Look at the passing ability of that man!

Yes the ball went out of bounds and is technically a turnover but that’s the point! Anyone can make a skip pass to an open shooter, but Henderson saw the disrespect of a lady who clearly wasn’t paying attention to quality basketball and he made her pay! That is a champion! Willing to sacrifice personal stats if it means the team getting the respect it deserves!

In conclusion

Yes, everything I mentioned above is all dependent upon everything going 100% perfect. Well why not us? The Warriors proved that the perfect storm can happen (good coaching, no serious health issues, players coming into their owns at the perfect time, etc) so I’m calling it out now that this season it will be Portland. With Lillard and a young cast (I didn’t even get into Ed Davis, Moe Harkless, C.J. McCollum or Meyers Leonard!), the Blazers are primed and ready to win it all in 2016.

Wait a minute. We are getting word that a live shot of Terry Stotts planning for the season is coming through to us right now.

Fear not, Blazer fans. The force is strong with us.