To me, All-Star Saturday has always been the highlight of the NBA’s All-Star Weekend. You know how on an episode of MTV Cribs you can always count on the celebrity to make some sort of awful, corny reference to the “magic” or something happening in their bed? You can always count on All-Star Saturday to deliver some form of entertainment. But before we get to that…
…we must address the debacle known as All-Star Friday. And yes I’ve got my ranting boots on. What the heck was that? First off the NBA All-Star “Celebrity” Game? Why the quotes? Because it was a celebrity game with NO CELEBRITIES! Not even Bow Wow or Nelly making fools of themselves this year. The only celebrities were TO, Turk from Scrubs and Chris Tucker. The rest was a complete…pardon my french….shitshow. Harlem Globetrotters??? What was that tie-in all about? Did one of them blackmail Stern? The obligatory WNBA cross-over with Lisa Leslie and….Kara Lawson. I’m so tired of seeing Kara Lawson on my TV screen. The worst part was the legends. I swear the NBA got rid of the Legends Game for a reason. I can’t believe Clyde Drexler, my childhood idol was running around blocking the shots of Harlem Globetrotters. And Dominique Wilkins was out there. Dan Majerle…understandable you can’t hate on Thunder Dan. Rick Fox…despite him letting himself go, ok. But when that’s all you got….man. No fun.
(Although seeing Jon Barry making a fool of himself is always hilarious.)
The Rookie/Sophomore Challenge….even the kids were tepid this year. The uniforms were hot garbage. This game needed Charles Barkley in the worst way. Durant’s face when he got handed the MVP trophy was just hilarious.
To All-Star Saturday:
H-O-R-S-E/GEICO
For years people have been clamoring for HORSE to be included in the All-Star Saturday festivities. This year everyone gets their chance. Well…kind of. I think the competition may be called G-E-I-C-O. And it’s taking place on a court outside of the US Airways Center prior to the real All-Star Saturday night. I guess it’s a mini-trial run? Anyways this could (and should) answer our questions on whether or not this is entertaining or not and next year we’ll more than likely see it on the main stage with the big stars. I mean say what you want but I’d rather they test it out before trotting it out on the mainstage. Remember the Slam Dunk Contest with the ‘Highlight Wheel’ or whatever it was. Yeah I was there live it was..awful.
Everyone knows how to play HORSE and if you don’t, I’m not sure why you’re at this website anyways.
This year’s competitor’s are Kevin Durant, Joe Johnson and OJ Mayo. My pick for this one? I gotta go with Durant. He’s just on an absolute tear. You never want to pick rookies if you have to and Joe Johnson may just smile his way through. Or be completely hungover. Don’t want to be presumptuous. I think this will be entertaining stuff but I’m going with Durant to win.
SHOOTING STARS
The event that everyone loves to hate returns for another year. Generally it’s because of the forced involvement of the WNBA. I just don’t get it. This is much better than watching Justin Timberlake try and play basketball or legends make fools of themselves. I mean how can you not love a competition where you have to make a half-court shot to win? The answer is you can’t.
For the uniformed, there are 4 teams of 3. Each team has an NBA player, NBA legend and WNBA player. Six spots all over the court, the goal to complete all the shots in the shortest amount of time possible. There’s some strategy to it since the shots alternate from person to person. I mean you probably don’t want your worst shooter having to hit a 3. Onto the teams:
Los Angeles: Derek Fisher, Michael Cooper and Lisa Leslie
–Lisa Leslie can’t shoot. Michael Cooper really can’t shoot. Can’t go with a team to win a shooting competition if they have two non-shooters. Of course anything can happen but come on now. If it was Kobe instead of Fisher I’d feel differently. I expect a lot of clanks from Cooper and maybe a few boos for this group. They should’ve gotten Magic out there. Last place.
(Sidenote…wouldn’t it be funny if they just had put Kobe as the LA team by himself. You know you’d want to see Kobe furiously running from spot to spot trying to do the un-possible. At least I would.)
Detroit: Arron Afflalo, Bill Laimbeer, Katie Smith
–At least we don’t have to see or hear from Swin Cash. I don’t want to see Laimbeer running around in a Detroit uni launching shots. Afflalo is no Chauncey Billups so I don’t see him carrying them. Katie Smith is the best shooter on this team by far and is also the most likeable person on this team. Can’t pick people you don’t like. No, sir.
Phoenix: Leandro Barbosa, Dan Majerle, Tangela Smith
–I never like picking ‘hometown’ teams because I feel like they always lose. Technically this is the “best” group but I feel like Barbosa will be too tired from talking to any Knick representative he can get his hands on to get him back in D’Antoni’s arms. Also…how do you not get Diana Taurasi? I’m sure she’s playing in Russia…actually making money and stuff, but sheesh. What’s the point of cross-promoting the WNBA when you don’t even put the stars in? No offense but no one will ever care about Tangela Smith, even if she scores 50. 2nd place.
San Antonio: Tony Parker, Steve Kerr and Kendra Wecker.
–Last year’s defending champs come back with a completely different roster. A downgrade in every single way. David Robinson, Tim Duncan and Becky Hammon…to this?? Come on now. I had to Google who Kendra Wecker was. I did a little digging…check this…Kendra Wecker isn’t even on the San Antonio Silver Stars team. As a matter of fact..she’s not even in the league right now. She got waived by Washington in August. Is this possible? Did she blackmail David Stern like Holly Madison did Hugh Hefner? Also how badly will Steve Kerr be booed for demolishing the Phoenix Suns? Or will the corporate sponsors not care. This team is a debacle in every sense of the word, not to mention the fact that no team in this comp. has repeated.
So of course I pick them to win? Why? Because this very same combination won in 2006. Why not?
SKILLS COMPETITION
Who doesn’t like a good obstacle course? Quick overview of the course: layup, dribble through the obstacles, chest pass, bounce pass, top of the key jumper, outlet pass, dribble back through obstacles into a layup. So I lied there was nothing quick about that….deal with it. It will be odd to see no Chris Paul or D-Wade as they have been a staple of the competition. Not a lot of star power in this year competition. The field will be Devin Harris, Derrick Rose, Tony Parker and Mo Williams replacing an injured Jameer Nelson.
My pick? Devin Harris. I’m sorry but Derrick Rose is a rookie who probably gets nervous watching old episodes of Baywatch. Mo Williams will have the ultimate ‘I’m just so happy to be here’ glow mixed in with the ‘Sheesh I’m tired’ glow. All the obnoxious LeBron cheering in the world won’t be able to save him. Tony Parker probably should win this but I remember the first time this event was done, TP was in it and he came in dead last. I learn from history.
So I’m going with Harris thanks to the process of elimination.
THREE-POINT CONTEST
I’m not even going to waste your time. I’m picking Jason Kapono. That’s all you need to know. No way in good faith can I pick Roger Mason Jr, Daequan Cook or Danny Granger to topple Kapono. Rashard Lewis has never been good in this. And Mike Bibby? Come on now. Kapono joins the E
lite and wins his third in a row.
SLAM DUNK CONTEST
I’m cheering for Rudy don’t get me wrong and I truly think he can sneak in there. We know Nate Robinson has shot his Slam Dunk Contest load, even though he won I’m not sure what he bring to the table. JR Smith is the dark horse because he’s super athletic…but since he’s replacing Rudy Gay, I refuse to be charmed by athleticism. Not only that but I’m not sure he’s creative. I mean he was in the 05 Dunk Contest and I don’t even remember anything he did.
The Finals are going to be Dwight and Rudy and same as last year if Dwight makes it to the Finals he’s winning.