AFC Rankings Week 5


#1. New England Patriots (4-0) LW: #1
Yeah…these guys aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. And even if and when they lose, the Super Bowl is still going through Foxboro. I’m bored of talking about how good they are. Now I just wonder what Belicheck and Randy Moss say to each other when they walk past each other in the hall. Do they have a super cool handshake? Does Tom Brady just not walk around with a major league smile all the time now? It’s absurd how good they are.

#2. Indianapolis Colts (4-0) LW: #2
Their defense is looking just as strong as before, shutting down Denver after their hot start. The injuries to Addai and Marvin Harrison need to be addressed ASAP. The Colts are still the Colts just taking care of business right now.

#3. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-1) LW: #3
Despite their loss to the Cardinals the Steelers don’t move. That’s particularly because no one else did anything to leapfrog them. Sunday did however show off their weaknesses. Shut Willie Parker down and force Big Ben to throw the ball more than necessary and you’ve got a big chance. Even better if you can put yards on that defense. They are still really good though.

#4. Tennessee Titans (2-1) LW: #4
Bye week means these guys aren’t going anywhere. If I’m a Titans fan do I get excited? The Madden Curse is still looming, waiting for someone to arrogantly state ‘the curse is DEAD’. Young is still healthy and is performing well…but there is plenty of time left in the season. I would be in a vicious mental tug-of-war if I was a Titan fan.

#5. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-1) LW:#8
These guys make a big leap because they didn’t play last week. IF they can run the ball they become that much more dangerous. Make them one-diminsional and they are a completely different team. I’m still not sure of how good they are.

#6. Denver Broncos (2-2) LW: #5
Only dropping down one spot because they lost to one of the top teams in the conference. However it has to be time to worry in Denver. They cannot stop the run to save their lives and it has cost them the last two games. So technically speaking if it weren’t for a lucky field goal and a timeout the Broncos could be 0-4. Scary.

#7. Houston Texans (2-2) LW:#6
You would think a disappointing loss to the Falcons would really drop these guys down a few notches. But when you look at the other 2-2 teams, I couldn’t justify dropping them behind those guys. They desperately need Andre Johnson back and they need to get that pass rush back in form. The fact that they couldn’t even get pressure on Joey Harrington and he picked them apart let me know somethings up. I think the Texans are slowly slipping into the ‘they have the tools but can they do it?’ category.

#8. Oakland Raiders (2-2) LW: #13
At the end of the day the Raiders are not that bad. They are at .500 with an underrated defense and an unexpected monster running game. Who pissed LaMont Jordan AND Justin Fargas off? Are you kidding me? If they can keep that up (which I doubt they can) then the Raiders will sneak up and beat up on some people. Too bad Daunte can’t play the Dolphins every week.

#9. Cleveland Browns (2-2) LW: #14
Now why would I jump the Browns this high? How could I in good faith put the Ravens ahead of them after the Browns just beat them with ease? Exactly. This had to be done. I could not tell you how the Browns have beaten both Baltimore and Cincy yet looked horrible in their 2 losses. I just chalk it up to the wacky world of sports. They will come back down to earth sooner than later.

#10. Baltimore Ravens (2-2) LW: #7
Uh-oh. That vaunted D just got torched by the Cleveland Browns. The Cleveland freakin Browns. They couldn’t even beat Cleveland. They are a week away from diving into the overrated pool.

#11. Kansas City Chiefs (2-2) LW: #12
Inexplicably the Chiefs have won two in a row to get back to even. And Larry Johnson looks as if he is alive after all. Where is HBO to explain this one to me?

#12. Cincinnati Bengals (1-3) LW: #10
Their defense was always crappy but add the fact that they are really banged up and…well you know. Too much pressure is being put on the offense and without Rudi Johnson, Carson Palmer is having problems making good decisions. He’s turning the ball over way too much for the Bengals to win. They’ll get back on track but it’s rough right now.

#13. San Diego Chargers (1-3) LW: #9
They are really, really, really bad. Philip Rivers really has to stop throwing at LT’s helmet. I have no more words for this team.

#14. Buffalo Bills (1-3) LW: #15
At least Trent Edwards feels really good about himself for a week. They still aren’t very good.

#15. New York Jets (1-3) LW: #11
Snitches never prosper, that’s what Carmelo said on that DVD. So I paraphrased. Lost a golden opportunity to get to .500 and thanks to my rule of logic I couldn’t put them ahead of a team that just beat them. Thus they sit here.

#16. Miami Dolphins (0-4) LW: #16
No jokes this team is just really bad.