Overreaction: An Irrational Blazer Fan Guide
Some people approach new success with caution. Those people aren’t irrational sports fans. An emphatic win over the injury riddled Pelicans(also playing on a road back to back) should be taken with a grain of salt. But, the Blazers are on pace for a 82-0 record, so it is all sugar in Rip City baby! Start the victory parade, it’s time for an irrational fan tutorial.
First off, you have to get the championship lingo down. Start by making statements like: “C.J. McCollum clearly has more upside than James Harden.”; “Damian Lillard held his guy to a measly 20 points, he has turned the corner defensively.”; “Why wasn’t Meyers Leonard getting more starts over LaMarcus Aldridge?”
The bolder the better. You will often find people remain speechless as they soak in your vast sports knowledge. Beyond leaving your fellow peers speechless you might also be met by a shake of the head. This is the ultimate sign of respect. It also helps to make all statements while yelling(or if on social media use all CAPS).
“… it is never too soon to start drawing up your 2016 title tattoo.”
Along with bold statements on player ability it is also important to become an irrational expert on player history. Pick a new player and put wikipedia to work. In just minutes you’ll be saying; “I’ve always loved Al-Farouq Aminu, he was a force at Wake Forest!” It is important that everyone knows that you are the most knowledgable expert on all things Rip City.
It is now time to move onto the irrational guide for analyzing games. In the rare case that the Blazers lose this season it is important to place zero blame on the Blazers themselves. Ref’s, luck, and coaching are the only causes for losing. Remember that bad charge call in the first? It clearly led to the 18 point loss. How many open shots can Kevin Durant really make? Totally a lucky shooting night. Can’t believe Terry Stotts sat Lillard for an entire minute in the first half? Obviously he is over matched by his peers.
“… It is important to be as obnoxious as possible to people in opposing team gear. See that six year old in a Steph Curry jersey heading for the exit…”
You can’t just talk the talk, you must also walk the walk. It is important to be as obnoxious as possible to people in opposing team gear. See that six year old in a Steph Curry jersey heading for the exit after a preseason loss at the hands of the Blazers? Feel free to let him know at full volume that a win is a win. Remember, when in doubt go with volume.
Most importantly, it is never too soon to start drawing up your 2016 title tattoo. Nothing is sweeter than being the first of your friends with a fresh pinwheel laden O’Brien trophy tat. Don’t worry about paying top dollar for the work either, the more aged it looks the better. It will help with your persona as a true prophet. Regrets are for losers, quick action is the key to irrational fandom.
Seriously though….
The opening victory coupled with McCollum’s performance has Rip City in a fervor. This is a clear product of the lowered expectations of this Blazer’s season. It is important to enjoy the wins with enthusiasm, but also important to keep things in perspective until we have a larger sample size. Until then it is a party in Rip City.