Sippin' on Haterade: Kobe & LeBron edition

Time to just get some mess off my chest.

It’s inevitable that as a human being you’re going to hate on someone else. Whether it’s a celebrity, an athlete, a rapper, a politician, a boss or co-worker, your friend, your friend’s friend…you’re going to spew some unfounded hate. In that same vein, if you talk about basketball and you’re having a discussion with 75% of the world…you’re going to be called a hater. I don’t know who started it, but it is the most convenient (and annoying) way out of having a discussion about basketball. “You’re just a hater”. I love and hate hearing it at the same time because on one hand it’s incredibly annoying but on the other hand it lets me know I made a good point. But seriously…I can’t count the number of LeBron/Kobe/Melo/D-Wade discussions that have ended with ‘You’re just a hater’. Shoot I ripped on Kobe on my Facebook and already got a ‘love the hate’ reply.  You know this happens all the time, but it increases when it comes to superstars. Mainly…these two guys. Tonight, I have to hate on Kobe and LeBron for a little bit. Have to. Viewer’s discretion…there is a lot of hating going on.

  • Kobe: Your documentary was a sham. You’ve been slowly killing me with your interviews and body language over the playoffs. The irritated looks, flailing off the arms when you don’t get a call, constant whining and just overall demeanor has made me unhappy. Today you took the cake. I wanted to congratulate you on a great game, I mean just real great stuff on the court. And then as only you can do, you made me change my mind. Somehow in the last 3 minutes you went from ‘I’m gonna sneer and have swagger after I hit jumpers, I’m Black Mamba y’all can’t see me’ to ‘OMG IM SO TIRED I NEED OXYGEN WOE IS ME’. And you know, I was fine with you being tired because you played your tail off and the whole altitude thing. I was also fine with Van Gundy or Mark Jackson jumping on your nuts and talking about you ‘gutting it out’. You dropped 41, you earned that benefit of the doubt. But…you just had to overdo it. You did an entire post-game interview with Doris Burke with your hands on your knees. You really couldn’t stand up?!?! Really?!?!?! Not once for a minute?  I would  have even tolerated the whole ‘hands on the hips, exhausted face, deep breath, ‘man I’m tired’ shtick but this took it way too far. And then you dropped the whole ‘this is when doing wind sprints in the off-season pays off’….we get it. You work uber hard, no need to remind us. And don’t tell me his walk to the locker room wasn’t him trying to do Sick MJ. Just don’t do it. Groan. Even worse was Doris Burke buying into it all. I’ve defended you all these years Doris and then you pull some stuff like that. I can’t wait to not listen to you talk about how Sue Bird needs to shoot the ball more this summer. Can’t. Wait.
  • LeBron: Let’s be honest…I can’t really hate on you right now. You’re shooting like what 70 something percent in this series, you’re likeable and you make me say wow and rewind games about 6-7 times. My hate is directed toward the reaction on your big shot from Game 2. Yes, it was a h-u-g-e, season-saving shot. But can we all just pump the brakes on calling it one of the best playoff shots ever? Just for a little bit until…ya know…the playoffs fully play out? Riddle me this, what makes a big shot truly historic? Context and time. If Cleveland goes on to win the championship, I’ll be the first one to say that was one of the biggest shots in NBA Playoff history. But guess what people? If Orlando wins the series that shot means absolutely nothing. Zero. Zip. Nada. And although I firmly believe that shot is pushing the Cavs to the Finals because you can’t come back from that kind of defeat…Orlando still has a great shot. I get it ESPN, you have to hype everything up and I get it NBA, amazing is finally happening again. I just ask…give it a little time. Please? Don’t go having a Top 10 on SportsCenter where LeBron’s shot is already ahead of Ralph Sampson’s epic buzzer beater against the Lakers. Oh that already happened. Hmm.
  • Mark Jackson: No more Black Eyed Peas references, no more ‘momma there goes that man’, no more second guessing coaching and no more complaining. Please. You and Van Gundy can be really, really good or really, really bad. There were times tonight when I wanted to hit the mute button. Also, please don’t give Lamar Odom that much credit for causing that steal. In Game 1, yeah that was all him. Tonight? It was 45% Kenyon Martin being a re-re, 30% Carmelo Anthony letting Ariza run through, 20% Ariza’s instincts and gambling ability and maybe 5% Lamar Odom’s long arms. I can’t believe you almost got a coaching job.
  • Dwight Howard: You have one of the more imposing body frames this league has ever seen. That being said….I lost a ton of respect for you in Game 2. Why? Mo Williams threw a ball at your back and what did you do? You looked at the ref and pointed at him. You essentially tried to tattle on Mo Williams. Have you see your shoulders? They are bigger than his head. You couldn’t muster up one ‘Im’ma f*ck you up’ mean mug? Couldn’t walk over slowly with a pissed off look on your face? You know there isn’t gonna be fight but man even Rafer Alston went harder than that and he’s essentially a pipsqueak. You couldn’t point at him or something? And then you let him hit a three right in your eye? Unacceptable man.
  • Nike & vitaminwater: Y’all couldn’t start this Kobe/LeBron commercials until it was officially Kobe vs. LeBron? And Nike…what’s up with the puppets? Why do they live together? Why isn’t it Kobe and LeBron’s real voices?
  • Mo Williams: We get it, the play was designed to go to LeBron. No need for ‘option #1-4 was LeBron’.
  • Stan Van Gundy: No more shaking your head at press conferences. Please.
  • Michael Pietrus: Do you have to do hold the three fingers in the same spot every time you hit a three? Seriously you have a swag transplant when you hit a three. Very Von Wafer-esque. Or if you need me to translate that, what you do is tres, tres, wack.
  • Denver Nuggets PA Announcer: What’s up with the strut out to half-court and doing the intros from there? And also, what’s up with stealing Buh-buh-buh-Billups from Detroit? And the whole sounded like you’re either constipated or having a roid rage. Boo.

I’m all out of hate for now.

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Tags: Denver Nuggets Pa Announcer Dwight Howard Haterade Haters Hating Kenyon Martin Kobe Bryant Lamar Odom LeBron James Michael Pietrus Mo Williams Nike Lebron Kobe Puppets Stan Van Gundy Vitaminwater Commercials

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