Unbelieva-BULL! + Other Thoughts

(No worries I’ve already slapped myself multiple times for the title. It was completely irresistible.)

In an event that no one (not even gypsies) saw coming, the Bulls brought their 1.7% chance of getting the #1 pick in this years NBA Draft and left Secaucus with that number one pick. No one saw this coming, especially not yours truly. But you know we probably should have known that anything in the world is possible if Skip Bayless is being paid to be on television everyday, Tim Legler is a basketball expert and Kevin Federline is still somewhat relevant.

This is the ultimate coup-de-gras for the Bulls. Forget the lottery, this should be called a robbery. Honestly how is this possible? I didn’t even know the Bulls had enough ping-pong balls to even smell the #1 pick. Unbelieva-BULL! How does a team go from 49 wins to 33 wins without major losses….then fire two coaches. Then have players cussing out assistant coaches, sleeping through shootarounds and skipping practice just to skip practice (that’s Noah, Duhon and Tyrus Thomas in that order). Have no coach…and end up with the number one pick right ion their laps? There is no explaining it, I’ve wracked my brain for a while thinking about it. It’s impossi-BULL. (Alright I’m done, I promise just put the gun down.)

It amazes me just how much life getting the #1 pick can breath into a franchise. The Bulls essentially just got a ‘get out of jail free’ card in the fact that any of the fans they lost over the year…are right back. They are going to get a new coach and now that taste of losing has been washed out by the sweet potion known as optimism. Now the easy part comes for Chicago. Draft Michael Beasley. Is there a debate? Probably. Should it be a long one? Absolutely not. Michael Beasley should be the #1 pick to the Chicago Bulls. Case closed. Quick question, what was the Bulls #1 problem before they got exposed this year for having a ton of problems? Low-post scoring. They had no one in the low post in score. Noah and Thomas played well in spurts but they are going to get their points of dunks and offensive rebounds. If anything these playoffs have shown that you need a low post force to get it done. That’s why everyone is begging KG to get down there. Why the Lakers are so much better with Pau, why the Spurs keep ticking along with Duncan and why the Jazz completely fell apart because their low post option disappeared. Beasley in the answer.

Could they draft Rose? Sure. I don’t think it would be smart. You’ve already got Hinrich and you’re already paying him a ton of money. He literally cannot play much worse than he played last year. Stick with Hinrich, the rest of the core and throw Beasley in the post. Bingo you’ve got a contender in the East.

(Seriously, I’m not sure who deserves to be pummeled with a lead pipe more…the people who argue the Bulls should draft Rose and trade Hinrich, or the Blazer fans that got together and watched the Lottery. Actually scratch that let me be more specific…the Blazer fans who actually were disappointed when we only got the 13th pick in the draft? Really? You thought we were really going to move up? And besides do we not have Greg freakin’ Oden coming in this year? Really? I’m hoping it was a combination of the stupidity brought from bandwagonitis and Obama-Mania that caused it. I was shocked when I saw that on the news.)

By the way…the Lottery was classic. Here are the awesome moments.

Mitch Richmond being confirmed to be alive. Kidding. His facial reaction to the Warriors getting the #14 pick was just classic. A combination of a forced ‘Aw, shucks..oh well!’ combined with a ‘I seriously can’t believe they sent me all the way to Secaucus for this bullshit.’
The fact that Jay-Z was there to represent the Nets.
Mark Jones’ random ‘fun facts’ after each team got announced. Unbelievably creepy and definitely unnecessary. The combination of his voice and the music just was over the top.
The Kings sending that lady who looked like she had no idea what was going on. Apparently the Maloofs were too busy partying and Reggie Theus was too busy watching Hang Time and wondering where he went wrong in his acting career.
Larry Legend looking like he got there 5 minutes before the lottery. The word ‘disheveled’ came to mind but due to a fear of blasphemy it was changed at the last minute. It’s scary but he and MJ are not aging well at all. Compare Magic and Dr. J to Bird and MJ and it’s not even close.
The fist pump by the Bulls exec when they moved into the top 3. So un natural.
D’Antoni’s momentary ‘holy shit I left Phoenix for this? We only got the #6 pick?’ reaction followed by him remembering that he’s on TV and that he’s getting paid an insane amount of money.
Durant and Rudy Gay’s awesome non-reactions. I thought I would miss the executives and their pained expressions, but seriously the combination of that with the players complete lack of caring made it even better.
The visual of D-Wade, the Bulls exec (Steve Schanwald by crack staff tells me) and the T-Wolves guy standing on a semi-podium. Except the T-Wolves guy is holding a teddy bear. Surely his son or daughter is going to get teased and/or punched in the face of that one.
Even better than him holding the bear was how he slowly lost grip and became deflated as Minnesota was announced to have the #3 pick. I could replay that over and over again.
D-Wade’s performance. Slight fistpump, initiated the shake hands and then got the hell out of dodge. He was no B-Roy but he was up there.